Hate to put it to you like this, but sometimes it has to be said.
This game features a radical feature that many other online browser games lack. I like to refer to that feature as "Leyman's Darwinism". IE, survival of the most adaptable. If you grow and are active, then you succeed. If you are not active and you simmer, then you become a member of the lower ladder of the food chain.
It's not the job of any other player or alliance to hold anyone's hand while they do this. If your neighbor has 3 cities and 10k more pts than you do, and you both start at the same time, then you're doing something wrong, and they are doing something right. You will be conquered, and they will not.
That is the way Grepolis is played and it isn't for everyone. Not every alliance want's or recruits new players, other alliances do. It's their choice.